At a California custody mediation appointment, you meet with a Family Court Services (FCS) mediator, usually with the other parent, to work through your parenting disagreements. When mediation is required, you must attend, but you are not required to agree to a parenting plan.
What happens next if you do not reach an agreement, or if you miss the appointment, depends in part on your court’s procedures.
You just received a notice from Family Court Services listing a date, a time, and a case number. You may know when and where to appear for mediation, but still have no clear sense of what will happen once you get there—who will be present, what the mediator will ask, how the discussion will unfold, or whether the other parent will cooperate.
Under Fam. Code § 3170(a), contested custody or visitation issues must be set for mediation, and § 3175 requires mediation to be scheduled before or concurrently with the hearing. But being required to attend does not mean you have to agree to whatever the other parent proposes.
Mediation gives both parents an opportunity to explain their concerns and preferences and discuss whether they can reach an agreement.
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Before Your Custody Mediation Appointment
- Request an interpreter or accessibility accommodation early if you need one: If you need language assistance or a disability accommodation, contact the court as early as possible. Courts can arrange interpreter support and other accommodations, but the process and timing vary by court.
- Start with your notice from the court or Family Court Services: Confirm the date and time, then check whether the appointment is in person, by video, or by phone. Courts use different locations, check-in procedures, remote systems, forms, and orientation requirements, so don’t assume your appointment will work the same way as someone else’s.
- Check your court’s Family Court Services information: If the notice doesn’t provide enough information, check the Family Court Services page for the court handling your case. California Courts also has a Find My Court tool if you need the court’s website, address, or contact information.
- Find out whether you need to complete orientation: Many courts require orientation before mediation or provide it as part of the process. Cal. Rules of Court, rule 5.210 requires court-connected mediation programs to provide orientation or parent education addressing the mediator’s role, the issues discussed, possible outcomes, confidentiality limits, and recommending procedures where applicable. The format and timing vary locally.
- Find out what type of mediation your court uses: Also find out whether your court uses confidential, non-recommending mediation or Child Custody Recommending Counseling. That distinction affects what can happen if you do not reach an agreement.
Court-connected custody mediation is not limited to divorcing spouses. Unmarried legal parents can also go through mediation when custody or parenting time is contested in a parentage or custody case. Under Fam. Code § 3171(a), the court must also set mediation when a stepparent or grandparent petitions or otherwise applies for visitation.
Do You Have to Attend Custody Mediation?
If the court has scheduled you for custody mediation, you should treat the appointment as required unless the court tells you otherwise. Be prepared to answer the mediator’s questions, explain your concerns, and discuss the parenting arrangement you believe would work best for your child.
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Read NowWhat Happens If You Miss Custody Mediation?
It depends on the court’s local procedures.
If you know beforehand that you cannot attend, contact Family Court Services (FCS) as soon as possible and follow your court’s cancellation or rescheduling procedure. If you already missed the appointment, contact FCS to find out what happens next and whether your scheduled hearing is still going forward.
Placer County and Santa Barbara County, for example, handle missed appointments differently. In Placer County, if one parent attends, the mediator may try to reach the absent parent by phone. If both parents miss the appointment, the session is dropped and the court is notified, but the parties are still told to appear at the scheduled hearing.
Santa Barbara requires specific cancellation procedures and warns that failure to attend required mediation without good cause may result in monetary or other sanctions. Its current procedures generally require notice of cancellation at least seven calendar days before the appointment.
If the other parent is the one who does not appear, do not leave or assume the session has been canceled without checking with FCS. Follow the instructions of the court handling your case.
Who Can Attend Custody Mediation
Usually, the session includes you, the other parent, and a Family Court Services mediator. That mediator represents neither of you and does not advocate for one parent’s position over the other’s.
Exceptions exist. Where domestic violence has been alleged, you may meet separately, and a support person may accompany a protected party.
Can Your Attorney Attend Custody Mediation?
You can talk to a lawyer before your session, but whether that attorney can sit in the room with you depends on the mediator.
Under Fam. Code § 3182, the mediator can exclude attorneys from the session if the mediator decides that is appropriate. This catches people off guard: hiring a lawyer does not guarantee that lawyer will sit next to you at the table.
You can still consult an attorney beforehand, even if that attorney will not participate in the mediation itself.
Should You Bring Your Child to Custody Mediation?
Do not bring your child unless your court’s instructions say to. Some courts may arrange for a mediator to speak with a child; the rules and logistics vary locally. Santa Barbara, for example, currently requires children age six and older to be available during remote mediation because the mediator may elect to speak with them.
A child interview is distinct from simply bringing your child along. Under Fam. Code § 3180(a), the mediator may interview the child when the mediator considers an interview appropriate or necessary. Rule 5.210 also makes child interviews discretionary and allows the mediator to interview the child alone or with other appropriate people.
If the court has appointed minor’s counsel for your child, whether that attorney attends the mediation depends on local procedure and the terms of the appointment. Minor’s counsel represents the child’s interests, not either parent’s, and has the right to interview mediators subject to the applicable confidentiality rules.
What Happens in the Custody Mediation Session
The mediator typically opens with introductions and an explanation of their role: helping you and the other parent resolve the disputed issues, not representing either of you.
At or before mediation, you should receive an explanation of the limits of confidentiality and whether your court uses a recommending process.
In some courts, if you and the other parent do not reach an agreement, the counselor may send the judge a written recommendation about what custody and parenting-time orders should be made. Other courts use confidential mediation, where the mediator does not make that kind of recommendation. Which process applies depends on your court’s local procedures.
The mediator will ask which custody or parenting-time issues remain disputed and work with you to see whether a parenting agreement is possible.
You can decline a term that doesn’t work for your family, ask for time to review a proposal, or hold your position if you are not ready to agree. Nothing discussed in mediation becomes a court order just because you talked about it or tentatively agreed to it. Generally, the agreement must be put in writing and signed, or agreed to in court, before the judge can make it an order.
What Will the Mediator Ask You About?
Expect a practical, fact-focused conversation. The mediator generally asks about:
- What parenting arrangement exists now
- What is working and what is not
- Where you and the other parent disagree
- What schedule you are proposing and why
- How your proposal fits school, work, travel, and your child’s routine
- How major decisions, like schooling and medical care, get made
- Any practical or safety concerns the plan needs to address
Clear answers work better than simply listing complaints about the other parent’s proposal. Our What Not to Say in Child Custody Mediation guide covers common missteps in how parents frame these issues.
If there has been a history of domestic violence or a qualifying protective order is in effect, the protected or alleging party can request separate sessions at separate times. If safety is a concern, tell Family Court Services before the appointment rather than waiting until the discussion is already underway.
How the Mediation Appointment Can End
The session can end with a full agreement, a partial agreement, or no agreement. A full agreement resolves every disputed custody or parenting-time issue. A partial agreement resolves some issues while leaving others for the court process.
If issues remain unresolved, they generally continue through the court process. The court may schedule a hearing or take other steps first, depending on the case and local procedure.
How to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation
Walking in with a specific, workable plan gives you something concrete to discuss instead of showing up ready only to react to the other parent’s proposal.
- Know what you are asking for: Do not walk in with only objections to the other parent’s proposal. Know what should replace it: which days, which holidays, and how decisions get made.
- Think through how your proposed schedule would actually work: Test your proposal against real logistics: school times, work schedules, exchanges, holiday splits, activities, and travel. A schedule that looks reasonable on paper but ignores a work shift or school calendar may be difficult to follow in practice.
- Know what you could agree to: This is not an aggressive bottom line. Identify where agreement may be possible, which issues need more information or legal advice, and what a term would mean for your week-to-week life.
What Should You Bring to Custody Mediation?
What to bring depends partly on your court’s own instructions, so start there. Beyond that, useful items generally include:
- Any documents your notice or FCS instructs you to bring
- Your calendar, including work hours and your child’s school and activity schedule
- A written outline of your proposed parenting plan, if you have one
- Information needed to explain your child’s current routine
- Other documents only where directly relevant and permitted at your session
Mediation is not the place for a broad documentation dump. Bring what helps you explain your proposal clearly.
What Should You Wear?
There is no statewide Family Court Services dress code. Wear something clean, appropriate, and comfortable enough that your attention stays on the conversation rather than what you are wearing.
How Long Does Custody Mediation Take?
There is no single statewide length for a mediation appointment. How long yours takes depends on:
- Your court’s own scheduling procedures
- How many issues remain genuinely disputed
- How close you already are to agreement
- Whether separate sessions are required for safety reasons
- Whether the mediator needs additional information
Check your court’s Family Court Services instructions for any expected appointment window and leave enough time that you are not trying to rush the discussion.
What Happens After the Mediation Appointment?
What happens next depends on whether you reached a full agreement, a partial agreement, or no agreement.
Generally, expect:
- A next hearing or court date, particularly if issues remain unresolved
- A chance to review any proposed terms and, in CCRC, any written recommendation before the hearing
- Additional evaluation or investigation, if ordered
- Time to prepare any unresolved issues for the hearing
Watch for any deadline in your notice to review or respond to proposed terms. Missing it can narrow your options before the hearing, even if the underlying issues are still unresolved.
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Read NowPrepare for Your Custody Mediation With a California Family Law Attorney
Custody mediation is only one part of a larger custody case. The decisions you make there can affect what happens next, so it helps to have a strategy that accounts for both settlement and litigation.
Our child custody attorneys handle custody and visitation matters from start to finish. We can advise you before court-connected mediation, negotiate directly with the other parent or counsel, conduct private mediation, and litigate unresolved issues when court intervention is necessary.
Whether the case can be resolved by agreement or requires a hearing, we stay focused on the full custody matter, not just the mediation appointment.
Schedule a case evaluation today.
